1. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
- Tired? Wana sleep again --"

2. Would you consider yourself as a well-being person?
- err? i think so.. =P

3. Have you ever visited an orphanage or an old folk's?
- Nope.. See before only..

4. Have you ever had a best friend who is trustworthy?
- Once..upon a time.

5. Do you want someone to be dead?
- I got a long list for it.. =DD

6. Do you love to go school?
- Aww...NO!!

7. Who was the last person who texted you?
- Wait~ I go check.. owh.. Maxis texted me -.-

8. Do you want any food to eat right now?
- Ya gua? I wana eat "yao char guai".

9. What are you doing right now?
- Writing this tagged post lor..

10. What are you thinking right now?
- Thinking what to write.. ~_~

11. List 15 lucky people whom you tag:
- Anita, Anson, Bankok, Bibii Jie, Eliza Chong, Felicia, Han Jon, Hui Min, Joshua Ong,Lynn, Mei San, Melvin Lim, Richard, Tek Kien, Zhi Yang, Zhi Jian.




Today.. One word to describe - very happy!!^^ Had my first time, first experience of being a song leader. I guess it's not that easy as I thought. -.- sigh* Did make a few mistakes la. etc, the "This is My Desire" song which is my last song that I'm gonna sing, the bridge should repeat 6times de. Coz the 1st and 2nd time, I solo then followed with back-up singers. I hessitated, lost and gave the chorus signal. Haiz... N erm.., got another mistake. When sing finish jor, I don't know what to do! Before that, I kept on thinking and practicing on what to do, what to say, memorizing the lyrics, how I'm going to sing, my style of singing but never thought of what I should do at the ending, lol! I should invite back the host and hostess de.. Which is Feli and Joseph. Coz I was like stunned at the stage for few seconds liao.. Don't know what to say. So panicked lol, and said "announcement sir?". Then Joseph came up to me. Then *****. Like that lor..zz

Drill was syok.. Anson was horrorfying serious, like very.. xD
Feli command me, Kai Xian and Kar Yan. Coz we 3 in Anson's group not that good at the "belakang pusing" move. Quite fun actually. =)
After BB dismissed, I then went for sketch practice for the annivarsary. TK was like damn funny. I tried my best not to laugh. But our actions and his big actions make things seem so hillarious! We're supposed to act like new BB members, don't know how to march. Kai Xian, as an officer commanded, "pusing kanan". We were like, I turn to left, TK turn behind, Chee Wah the only turn right. Three different direction..xD N when TK hentak kaki, he shout damn loud N hentak very hard, very loud, I looked at him then he jumped up and ouch ouch.., he said his leg pain =P Many funny things happened.

Then leh.. After sketch practice, phoned my mum that I'll not be home early, then at bout 7pm+, we followed Sir Tan and he drove us to a restaurant called K.F.C. in Alam Jaya. Had our dinner there. There we're7 of us. Sir Tan, Nicholas, Richard, Ban Kok, Joshua Ng, Ban Kok & Me! I ordered Tom Yam. Nice~
We head back to church for the "I Not Stupid" Talk while BK, Cheng Foong got dance practice for annivarsary too. I walk here, walk there. Then Nicholas called, went helped the PA system. He bassist. Ric drummer. I was there alone lol! The big problem is that I can't read chinese!! But I can read those very simple ones. So worry that I'll press wrong slide. ~_~ swt. After they play finish the song dy, the man starts his talk. Nic N Ric were around me at first, I was still controlling it, moments later. They left! N they never came back~~~ Till erm...about 9pm+, that was even when my mom came to fetch me home. Lol, craps. Left me listening the talk alone T.T
Daniel took over then.

A week without BB friends, is a week without life, an uncomplete-balanced week without the nice desserts to enjoy =)
May the bitter be forgotten. May the past be left behind. May the bright side be open to us. Love You! Praise God!



Today.. One word to describe - very happy!!^^ Had my first time, first experience of being a song leader. I guess it's not that easy as I thought. -.- sigh* Did make a few mistakes la. etc, the "This is My Desire" song which is my last song that I'm gonna sing, the bridge should repeat 6times de. Coz the 1st and 2nd time, I solo then followed with back-up singers. I hessitated, lost and gave the chorus signal. Haiz... N erm.., got another mistake. When sing finish jor, I don't know what to do! Before that, I kept on thinking and practicing on what to do, what to say, memorizing the lyrics, how I'm going to sing, my style of singing but never thought of what I should do at the ending, lol! I should invite back the host and hostess de.. Which is Feli and Joseph. Coz I was like stunned at the stage for few seconds liao.. Don't know what to say. So panicked lol, and said "announcement sir?". Then Joseph came up to me. Then *****. Like that lor..zz

Drill was syok.. Anson was horrorfying serious, like very.. xD
Feli command me, Kai Xian and Kar Yan. Coz we 3 in Anson's group not that good at the "belakang pusing" move. Quite fun actually. =)
After BB dismissed, I then went for sketch practice for the annivarsary. TK was like damn funny. I tried my best not to laugh. But our actions and his big actions make things seem so hillarious! We're supposed to act like new BB members, don't know how to march. Kai Xian, as an officer commanded, "pusing kanan". We were like, I turn to left, TK turn behind, Chee Wah the only turn right. Three different direction..xD N when TK hentak kaki, he shout damn loud N hentak very hard, very loud, I looked at him then he jumped up and ouch ouch.., he said his leg pain =P Many funny things happened.

Then leh.. After sketch practice, phoned my mum that I'll not be home early, then at bout 7pm+, we followed Sir Tan and he drove us to a restaurant called K.F.C. in Alam Jaya. Had our dinner there. There we're7 of us. Sir Tan, Nicholas, Richard, Ban Kok, Joshua Ng, Ban Kok & Me! I ordered Tom Yam. Nice~
We head back to church for the "I Not Stupid" Talk while BK, Cheng Foong got dance practice for annivarsary too. I walk here, walk there. Then Nicholas called, went helped the PA system. He bassist. Ric drummer. I was there alone lol! The big problem is that I can't read chinese!! But I can read those very simple ones. So worry that I'll press wrong slide. ~_~ swt. After they play finish the song dy, the man starts his talk. Nic N Ric were around me at first, I was still controlling it, moments later. They left! N they never came back~~~ Till erm...about 9pm+, that was even when my mom came to fetch me home. Lol, craps. Left me listening the talk alone T.T
Daniel took over then.

A week without BB friends, is a week without life, an uncomplete-balanced week without the nice desserts to enjoy =)
May the bitter be forgotten. May the past be left behind. May the bright side be open to us. Love You! Praise God!



It's Saturday now! This week's song leader is...ME! =D
Very happy lol. I've been like waiting for ages, till I got spider webs dy. -.-

Hmm.. Actually got many songs I wana sing de. But can only choose three o.. Haiz.. Not only that, must choose one song which is not english summore =="
Anyway, check out the songs I really like in church ^^

#1 - This Is My Desire
#2 - Worthy Is The Lamb
#3 - How Great Is Our God


Actually got plenty la.. I just give you my top 3. Lols! Haiz.. Now a bit regret jor. The songs I chose were This Is My Desire, Here I Am To Worship and Qu Shi Xian (the chinese song) -.-
Haiz.. How good if I can choose 3english ones? #_#



I know my heart, is not feeling well. Felt like something's stuck inside within me. Wanted to shout it out but afraid. Needed help desperately, but too proud to ask. Hold my breath and run through it.

There's this one thing I do agree on".



"甜的吃，苦的也吃".



This is my life. Maybe it's my destiny to face all these. Maybe it's not? Gosh! Maybe I'm thinking too far. Forget it.

I'm waiting for the day where I'll be enjoying my golden years. Who knows what might happen by then. Will I be able to become a millionaire by the age of 27? Do hope so..xP

Why 27? Hmm.. Coz it's a nice number? Coz it's 2020 Wawasan? Coz I'm old? lol!



choi choi choi~!


It's Saturday now! This week's song leader is...ME! =D
Very happy lol. I've been like waiting for ages, till I got spider webs dy. -.-

Hmm.. Actually got many songs I wana sing de. But can only choose three o.. Haiz.. Not only that, must choose one song which is not english summore =="
Anyway, check out the songs I really like in church ^^

#1 - This Is My Desire
#2 - Worthy Is The Lamb
#3 - How Great Is Our God


Actually got plenty la.. I just give you my top 3. Lols! Haiz.. Now a bit regret jor. The songs I chose were This Is My Desire, Here I Am To Worship and Qu Shi Xian (the chinese song) -.-
Haiz.. How good if I can choose 3english ones? #_#



I know my heart, is not feeling well. Felt like something's stuck inside within me. Wanted to shout it out but afraid. Needed help desperately, but too proud to ask. Hold my breath and run through it.

There's this one thing I do agree on".



"甜的吃，苦的也吃".



This is my life. Maybe it's my destiny to face all these. Maybe it's not? Gosh! Maybe I'm thinking too far. Forget it.

I'm waiting for the day where I'll be enjoying my golden years. Who knows what might happen by then. Will I be able to become a millionaire by the age of 27? Do hope so..xP

Why 27? Hmm.. Coz it's a nice number? Coz it's 2020 Wawasan? Coz I'm old? lol!



choi choi choi~!


Today, I had a fight with Harvey in class. It was on BM subject. Teacher was busy marking the papers, counting the marks. Half of the class gathered around her, anticipated to know their scores and their friend's.

Harvey, Chun Keong, Guang Wei and I we're gathered at a spot at the left-front side of the class, playing, chit-chatting. It all happened when I saw Chun Keong holding hair wax in his hands, scrubbing a bit by bit onto his hair. I too, took some and put in on my hair while chit-chatting. I don't know whose wax it belongs to, and I'm not really that interested to find out who's the owner. So, we kept on chatting blank. All the sudden, Chun Keong took the whole wax (with it's container) and scrubbed it on my hair. I was like, what the? But of coz la, he's just playing, pranking. So i did not take that seriously. Don't know what happened after that. Moments later, Harvey wana take the wax and it's container's cap to close it. I acted fast and took the wax and scrubbed it onto Harvey's hair, a little white wax could be seen. His reaction was like pissed off. Then he said things like "don't make me angry, i tell you, when i angry, i smack then you know". WTh? Bullshit! He know we're just playing, but he took it seriously. What about Chun Keong who did the same to me? Should I be that mad at him too? What about him (Harvey) pushing me before? Not once, but severals. I was, too, unhappy, angry, but I know he was just playing, fooling. Who do he think he is? Won't I be angry too? He even smack me on my right. What I see, what I feel. Is not a heart full with hatreds but pain, and sadness of loosing a friend. Memories of past - of him at the gates, we chated together, in the class, we joked together, we played together, share thoughts. That smack, brought me to a stun. For a second, I saw memories, of the good moments passing in front of my eyes, erased, lost, deleted, gone.
I will and would not forgive him for his action of what he did today. Never. Not till unless he sincerely apologizes. This kind of friend, they we're right. He was a gangster, rubbish, that's what they told me. But I disbelieve and told them that was okay, quite friendly one.

Never expect my last day to be that - tragic. Crusified.



PS: I wrote half of this post in school's computer lab at around 1pm. Continued at midnight, completed at 12.44am.



Today, I had a fight with Harvey in class. It was on BM subject. Teacher was busy marking the papers, counting the marks. Half of the class gathered around her, anticipated to know their scores and their friend's.

Harvey, Chun Keong, Guang Wei and I we're gathered at a spot at the left-front side of the class, playing, chit-chatting. It all happened when I saw Chun Keong holding hair wax in his hands, scrubbing a bit by bit onto his hair. I too, took some and put in on my hair while chit-chatting. I don't know whose wax it belongs to, and I'm not really that interested to find out who's the owner. So, we kept on chatting blank. All the sudden, Chun Keong took the whole wax (with it's container) and scrubbed it on my hair. I was like, what the? But of coz la, he's just playing, pranking. So i did not take that seriously. Don't know what happened after that. Moments later, Harvey wana take the wax and it's container's cap to close it. I acted fast and took the wax and scrubbed it onto Harvey's hair, a little white wax could be seen. His reaction was like pissed off. Then he said things like "don't make me angry, i tell you, when i angry, i smack then you know". WTh? Bullshit! He know we're just playing, but he took it seriously. What about Chun Keong who did the same to me? Should I be that mad at him too? What about him (Harvey) pushing me before? Not once, but severals. I was, too, unhappy, angry, but I know he was just playing, fooling. Who do he think he is? Won't I be angry too? He even smack me on my right. What I see, what I feel. Is not a heart full with hatreds but pain, and sadness of loosing a friend. Memories of past - of him at the gates, we chated together, in the class, we joked together, we played together, share thoughts. That smack, brought me to a stun. For a second, I saw memories, of the good moments passing in front of my eyes, erased, lost, deleted, gone.
I will and would not forgive him for his action of what he did today. Never. Not till unless he sincerely apologizes. This kind of friend, they we're right. He was a gangster, rubbish, that's what they told me. But I disbelieve and told them that was okay, quite friendly one.

Never expect my last day to be that - tragic. Crusified.



PS: I wrote half of this post in school's computer lab at around 1pm. Continued at midnight, completed at 12.44am.



A lot had happened since I last post. Now, I'm starting to doubt my future. I'm not sure what is right or which is wrong. I am - leaving SMK Taman Connaught. I should've been very happy as I was wishing for it to come eversince that tragedy had happened in the early of the year. Was very unhappy almost everyday. Things I do, there'll be definitely a mistake, something not done right. Been scold, been blamed, been every worst nightmare I've ever dreamt. But somehow, after the exam, after the holidays. Things doesn't seem that way that much as it was before anymore. Why? I should've been very happy that I my parents finally allowed me to transfer back. Yet now, I feel like I don't wana leave? What is wrong? What makes me want to stay here as I was so unhappy for almost the whole half year being here? My mind, can't stop thinking about it. Thinking that I'm about to leave. Going back to Perimbun. Was it or not a good or wise decision? Is staying a wise decision? What makes me wana stay? Is it the because of the good teachers here? My class teacher - Pn Usha? Or was it the great one-of-my-idol disciplinary teacher Mr.John? Or was it all of it which includes those best teachers the school ready provided for the first class students - the best? Maybe it's the because of the positions I hold now? Class monitor of 4S1, Ketua Publisiti of "The Connaughtian Awards" or choir's future chairman? I don't know! Really! Maybe another part of myself is fear of letting down all my friends, peoples I know, teachers too. I'm afraid? I''m so confused right now. Everything around me doesn't seem right. I once told myself, reminded myself to appreciate things you owned now. Because, when you have it, you won't feel like it. You would've wished for a better change and when you're about to lose it, you appreciate it. The feeling of regretness - too late! They had this personality test, I took it. It stats that I'm a "thinker", saying that I'm a person who always think a lot, dream, imagine...etc.
Yes, I guess I was that kind of person. Many people once said I looked blur, but NO! I was thinking something, thoughts inside me. That is why I wasn't there. My eyes, we're at no focus coz I'm so into my thoughts. That is why, why I looked blur. -.- Today, my mom brought me to apply for school shifting at Kajang's PPD. Before that, we had lunch at Tesco's food court. It's been approved. Now I'm really getting worry. Part of me wants me to tell my mom that I changed my mind. Another part of me tells me to just go on with whatever I am about to do now. There is - so many different me. Different thoughts from different parts. Changing and not changing has it's good and bad. I really do want to know, which will benefit me most? Life, is complex. Especially when we're growing up. From teens to adult. More responsibilities, more burdens to carry. Pressures and tenses from everywhere. Life. Complex.
I am wishing when I go back to Perimbun, I could straight wear back my PRS uniform. Start get back active to RCS. Praying, hoping, aiming for every highest position possible. But what's the chances of success? Damn low! Why? It's because the co-curriculum activities ends at August, and I'm coming back at June? How many months I have? Two? Two and a half? Not only that, the RCS's perlantikan is on September, that's what I heard. What's more worst it the teacher and the RCS's system. Positions is chosen by teachers! Not voting..nonono!
What Should I do? What Must I do? What Can I do?
I aimed high, should've succeed, but in my journey, I made too much wrong decisions. Things gone wrong. What gone is gone. Pasts can't be changed. Hurtful. Reality.

Time is getting short. I am - dying.
A lot had happened since I last post. Now, I'm starting to doubt my future. I'm not sure what is right or which is wrong. I am - leaving SMK Taman Connaught. I should've been very happy as I was wishing for it to come eversince that tragedy had happened in the early of the year. Was very unhappy almost everyday. Things I do, there'll be definitely a mistake, something not done right. Been scold, been blamed, been every worst nightmare I've ever dreamt. But somehow, after the exam, after the holidays. Things doesn't seem that way that much as it was before anymore. Why? I should've been very happy that I my parents finally allowed me to transfer back. Yet now, I feel like I don't wana leave? What is wrong? What makes me want to stay here as I was so unhappy for almost the whole half year being here? My mind, can't stop thinking about it. Thinking that I'm about to leave. Going back to Perimbun. Was it or not a good or wise decision? Is staying a wise decision? What makes me wana stay? Is it the because of the good teachers here? My class teacher - Pn Usha? Or was it the great one-of-my-idol disciplinary teacher Mr.John? Or was it all of it which includes those best teachers the school ready provided for the first class students - the best? Maybe it's the because of the positions I hold now? Class monitor of 4S1, Ketua Publisiti of "The Connaughtian Awards" or choir's future chairman? I don't know! Really! Maybe another part of myself is fear of letting down all my friends, peoples I know, teachers too. I'm afraid? I''m so confused right now. Everything around me doesn't seem right. I once told myself, reminded myself to appreciate things you owned now. Because, when you have it, you won't feel like it. You would've wished for a better change and when you're about to lose it, you appreciate it. The feeling of regretness - too late! They had this personality test, I took it. It stats that I'm a "thinker", saying that I'm a person who always think a lot, dream, imagine...etc.
Yes, I guess I was that kind of person. Many people once said I looked blur, but NO! I was thinking something, thoughts inside me. That is why I wasn't there. My eyes, we're at no focus coz I'm so into my thoughts. That is why, why I looked blur. -.- Today, my mom brought me to apply for school shifting at Kajang's PPD. Before that, we had lunch at Tesco's food court. It's been approved. Now I'm really getting worry. Part of me wants me to tell my mom that I changed my mind. Another part of me tells me to just go on with whatever I am about to do now. There is - so many different me. Different thoughts from different parts. Changing and not changing has it's good and bad. I really do want to know, which will benefit me most? Life, is complex. Especially when we're growing up. From teens to adult. More responsibilities, more burdens to carry. Pressures and tenses from everywhere. Life. Complex.
I am wishing when I go back to Perimbun, I could straight wear back my PRS uniform. Start get back active to RCS. Praying, hoping, aiming for every highest position possible. But what's the chances of success? Damn low! Why? It's because the co-curriculum activities ends at August, and I'm coming back at June? How many months I have? Two? Two and a half? Not only that, the RCS's perlantikan is on September, that's what I heard. What's more worst it the teacher and the RCS's system. Positions is chosen by teachers! Not voting..nonono!
What Should I do? What Must I do? What Can I do?
I aimed high, should've succeed, but in my journey, I made too much wrong decisions. Things gone wrong. What gone is gone. Pasts can't be changed. Hurtful. Reality.

Time is getting short. I am - dying.
Copied from Hui Min, which she copied from Ah Ta...xD


1. i love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..=)

My Thoughts---> Not agree..xD I like her coz of who she is N how she is.. =D


2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry..

My Thoughts---> Err? Who knows mayb she very touched den cry? =X


3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have..

My Thoughts---> Aww... TT


4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart..

My Thoughts---> Eww.. Don't touch my hand.. gay de meh~ x.X


5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them..

My Thoughts---> Awwww~~~~~ This is so true, so close but yet seem so far.. T___T


6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile..

My Thoughts---> Do hope so.. --"


7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world..

My Thoughts---> That's lov3, rite??


8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you..

My Thoughts---> Get LOSt!! shoo shoo~~ >_<


9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful..

My Thoughts---> Walao..suffer de leh, meet wrg people..


10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened..

My Thoughts---> Yay, my mouse is dead! =)


11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around..

My Thoughts---> Mmm.. agree.. =P


12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you..

My Thoughts---> @_@ Zzz...


13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to..

My Thoughts---> Don't trust this..lol!



remember : everything that happens, happenes for a reason..=)

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?

Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!





Copied from Hui Min, which she copied from Ah Ta...xD


1. i love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..=)

My Thoughts---> Not agree..xD I like her coz of who she is N how she is.. =D


2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry..

My Thoughts---> Err? Who knows mayb she very touched den cry? =X


3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have..

My Thoughts---> Aww... TT


4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart..

My Thoughts---> Eww.. Don't touch my hand.. gay de meh~ x.X


5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them..

My Thoughts---> Awwww~~~~~ This is so true, so close but yet seem so far.. T___T


6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile..

My Thoughts---> Do hope so.. --"


7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world..

My Thoughts---> That's lov3, rite??


8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you..

My Thoughts---> Get LOSt!! shoo shoo~~ >_<


9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful..

My Thoughts---> Walao..suffer de leh, meet wrg people..


10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened..

My Thoughts---> Yay, my mouse is dead! =)


11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around..

My Thoughts---> Mmm.. agree.. =P


12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you..

My Thoughts---> @_@ Zzz...


13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to..

My Thoughts---> Don't trust this..lol!



remember : everything that happens, happenes for a reason..=)

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?

Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!





I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we
went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my
love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each
other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there
were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just
another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you'
before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued
till 100 days…200days…
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a
doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why…
Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,
one by one. There were many…

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was
dark… he still didn't call.................
It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had
happen.

Then I shouted…
"Wait…"
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you
are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb…and I collapsed to the ground. He
didn't want to say it easily…
How could he….
I felt that…
Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning
outside my house.

That's how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on
a street…with another girl…
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed
me…as he touched the doll…
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my
room, and tears fell…
Why did he gave these to me…
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him,
that… it's going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen
and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't
want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike
other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just
throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the
doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to
say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness
and the sadness of losing him…
And after spending two months like a crazy person…
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we
started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
count the days… when we were in love…
"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…"
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
"I….lo..ve…you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I…love you…

Why didn't I realize that….................
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much…
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you…
everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…"

The tears came flowing out of me................. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last
minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became
courage… to live a beautiful life….



It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride !





I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we
went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my
love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each
other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there
were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just
another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you'
before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued
till 100 days…200days…
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a
doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why…
Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,
one by one. There were many…

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was
dark… he still didn't call.................
It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had
happen.

Then I shouted…
"Wait…"
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you
are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb…and I collapsed to the ground. He
didn't want to say it easily…
How could he….
I felt that…
Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning
outside my house.

That's how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on
a street…with another girl…
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed
me…as he touched the doll…
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my
room, and tears fell…
Why did he gave these to me…
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him,
that… it's going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen
and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't
want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike
other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just
throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the
doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to
say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness
and the sadness of losing him…
And after spending two months like a crazy person…
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we
started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
count the days… when we were in love…
"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…"
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
"I….lo..ve…you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I…love you…

Why didn't I realize that….................
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much…
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you…
everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…"

The tears came flowing out of me................. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last
minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became
courage… to live a beautiful life….



It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride !





It was two days ago - Ban Kok, Nicholas, Joshua, Hui Min they'll planned to go to the night market at Connaught and suggested to go to BK's house on Wednesday, but before that, we go Jusco first as the song pratices which we had at the morning for the annivarsary finishes. Actually arr~ I wasn't supposed to go with them de.. I mean I should, nono-I shouldn't.. lols.. Maybe I should.. -.- The fact is, I made a promise to Hazel the day before that I'll accompany her out to Times Square walk walk meet Jia Ee at KLCC play de.. But only 3ppl.. (siao) N I relli no mood to go lol..haiz.. Coz the day before, I went somewhere dy..

Anyway, so erm.. The day after, I actually broke the promise, sms-ed Jia Ee and Hazel that I won't go. Poor Hazel, she's at the school waiting for me de.. Damn guilty! Sorry arr!! T_T

Haha.. cut that short ba.. I N the gang (BK, Joshua, Nic, HuiMin, Josiah, Cheng Foong) together went to the bus stop. Was hessitating where to go. Should go Jusco de, then suddenly say wan go Leisure Mall, I pulak sms-ed my dear that I'm going Leisure Mall, suddenly! Got bus go Jusco, N we crossed the road N go Jusco dy.. -.- Haha.. Sry leh Hazel!

Bought the movie tickets, we watched Night At The Musuem 2. It was damn lame!! Lame dao.. Very very nice~~ Got one part seems like "300" de movie. Difference is the "300" kill people de but the NATM2 is poking legs -.- We had our lunch, which is my breakfast, I and Nic went Old Town Cafe, the others go duno wat restaurant..nt nice de fooD

Went shopping, called Hui Min to help me choose to buy a purse for my fren, I accidentally loudly said girlfriend -.- Was keepin a secretly actually. Saw one very nice. Wanted to buy for her. Hmm.. Not enuff money! lols.. Mayb next time.. I sure will buy de.. Eye on it dy..xD

After finished watchin.. We went across to the bus stop return back to church coz BK, ChengFoong they'll had dance practice.. After that, we should be going to the night market fetched by BK de mom de.. But arr! His mom called N told him that the car cannot go out coz the stalls all block dy..zz Lame lar!
So we had to walk to the bus stop. We took taxi there.. 7 of us +1 which is my ol fren met at the bus stop heading to Connaught, Giant. I sit de taxi, Nic, Joshua, that fren of mine and me. Haiz.. Then arr...Nic forgot where BK's house, make us took a long cut! Wahse.., far dao..

Reached BK's house, first I thought he was a very very rich de guy lai de.. But it's ok la.. I like who he is.. Nice & friendly. His house is at the 1st floor, shoplots. Went to his room. Woosh~~! Greeted by em.. Saw Jess, Lois N CM. Chated there a while, watched Final Destination 2. BK on de! Haha..., that movie got ahem~ ahem~ de..
-.-" They saw the girl pull her shirt up and everyone laughed.. =DD

Went to night market, very very crowded! All like sardines.. Walking 0.1ms-1! Probably even slower than that -.-
Used a lot of money, bout RM50..! T__T Moments later, Anson joined us said his father forced him come out de wor coz not exposed -.- Then came May San too.. ^^
We seperated into several small group. I was with Nic, coz if walk in group ar.., slow like tortoise..zz N we were starving like hell.. I bought a packet of Uncle Bob chicken with extra spicy while Nic bought prawn noodles as our dinner. Waited downstair at BK de house, wait dao die dy! Bout an hour waiting him.. Felt like strangling him that time..lols..coz damn hungry dy!

Ate at his house, really enjoyed! I was supposed to stay overnight at his house but can't le..coz my manager called, the day after got shooting, need reach company by 7.30am! Haha..so no choice ler.. When I was on my way walking out finding my dad, I witnessed an accident leh!
The guy with motorcycle hit an Avanza car. His face, fuiyoh! Blooody~~ His fren helped carry him to the side, bus stop. His ride, haha.. very nice..! All shattered..


Haiz.. tragedies.. K la.. Wana sleep dy.. Midnight le! =]





Crossing Jusco heading to bus stop..




Go bak church lu~~




Jusco!! N that funny Night At The Museum --"




Chattin~~




Hui Min -.-




Hey Hey?




On way to BK's house..lolz




Zzz.. They off-ed the lights, watching Final Destination 2. Many cowards xD




The scene of the incident.. SEE! The scattered pieces of glasses.. --
It was two days ago - Ban Kok, Nicholas, Joshua, Hui Min they'll planned to go to the night market at Connaught and suggested to go to BK's house on Wednesday, but before that, we go Jusco first as the song pratices which we had at the morning for the annivarsary finishes. Actually arr~ I wasn't supposed to go with them de.. I mean I should, nono-I shouldn't.. lols.. Maybe I should.. -.- The fact is, I made a promise to Hazel the day before that I'll accompany her out to Times Square walk walk meet Jia Ee at KLCC play de.. But only 3ppl.. (siao) N I relli no mood to go lol..haiz.. Coz the day before, I went somewhere dy..

Anyway, so erm.. The day after, I actually broke the promise, sms-ed Jia Ee and Hazel that I won't go. Poor Hazel, she's at the school waiting for me de.. Damn guilty! Sorry arr!! T_T

Haha.. cut that short ba.. I N the gang (BK, Joshua, Nic, HuiMin, Josiah, Cheng Foong) together went to the bus stop. Was hessitating where to go. Should go Jusco de, then suddenly say wan go Leisure Mall, I pulak sms-ed my dear that I'm going Leisure Mall, suddenly! Got bus go Jusco, N we crossed the road N go Jusco dy.. -.- Haha.. Sry leh Hazel!

Bought the movie tickets, we watched Night At The Musuem 2. It was damn lame!! Lame dao.. Very very nice~~ Got one part seems like "300" de movie. Difference is the "300" kill people de but the NATM2 is poking legs -.- We had our lunch, which is my breakfast, I and Nic went Old Town Cafe, the others go duno wat restaurant..nt nice de fooD

Went shopping, called Hui Min to help me choose to buy a purse for my fren, I accidentally loudly said girlfriend -.- Was keepin a secretly actually. Saw one very nice. Wanted to buy for her. Hmm.. Not enuff money! lols.. Mayb next time.. I sure will buy de.. Eye on it dy..xD

After finished watchin.. We went across to the bus stop return back to church coz BK, ChengFoong they'll had dance practice.. After that, we should be going to the night market fetched by BK de mom de.. But arr! His mom called N told him that the car cannot go out coz the stalls all block dy..zz Lame lar!
So we had to walk to the bus stop. We took taxi there.. 7 of us +1 which is my ol fren met at the bus stop heading to Connaught, Giant. I sit de taxi, Nic, Joshua, that fren of mine and me. Haiz.. Then arr...Nic forgot where BK's house, make us took a long cut! Wahse.., far dao..

Reached BK's house, first I thought he was a very very rich de guy lai de.. But it's ok la.. I like who he is.. Nice & friendly. His house is at the 1st floor, shoplots. Went to his room. Woosh~~! Greeted by em.. Saw Jess, Lois N CM. Chated there a while, watched Final Destination 2. BK on de! Haha..., that movie got ahem~ ahem~ de..
-.-" They saw the girl pull her shirt up and everyone laughed.. =DD

Went to night market, very very crowded! All like sardines.. Walking 0.1ms-1! Probably even slower than that -.-
Used a lot of money, bout RM50..! T__T Moments later, Anson joined us said his father forced him come out de wor coz not exposed -.- Then came May San too.. ^^
We seperated into several small group. I was with Nic, coz if walk in group ar.., slow like tortoise..zz N we were starving like hell.. I bought a packet of Uncle Bob chicken with extra spicy while Nic bought prawn noodles as our dinner. Waited downstair at BK de house, wait dao die dy! Bout an hour waiting him.. Felt like strangling him that time..lols..coz damn hungry dy!

Ate at his house, really enjoyed! I was supposed to stay overnight at his house but can't le..coz my manager called, the day after got shooting, need reach company by 7.30am! Haha..so no choice ler.. When I was on my way walking out finding my dad, I witnessed an accident leh!
The guy with motorcycle hit an Avanza car. His face, fuiyoh! Blooody~~ His fren helped carry him to the side, bus stop. His ride, haha.. very nice..! All shattered..


Haiz.. tragedies.. K la.. Wana sleep dy.. Midnight le! =]





Crossing Jusco heading to bus stop..




Go bak church lu~~




Jusco!! N that funny Night At The Museum --"




Chattin~~




Hui Min -.-




Hey Hey?




On way to BK's house..lolz




Zzz.. They off-ed the lights, watching Final Destination 2. Many cowards xD




The scene of the incident.. SEE! The scattered pieces of glasses.. --
Aiyo~~!


I relli relli very very lazy to post blog le.. I kept thinking of updating it.. At the end, it was just still a thought.. No actions.. -.-

Right.., there's just so much nice, sweet things happened.. N bitter ones too.. ~_~
Well.. Let's see what I could re-call today.

Last week's Thursday, two days before Saturday (where my holidays begin), the day after a two week non-stop exam. A day where I should've been relax N joy.. Sleep at home till the wee hours.., but instead! I had to wake up at the same ol time and the same ol morning to school.. Why?! Actually I shouldn't and don't have to go to school. But no choice la.. Pn. Usha called me to help out to decorate the duno duno wat wat "Anugerah Cemerlang" board with Carson Tan (which I nominate her as my assistant). xD

Haha..! Why? Coz..erm.. 0,0" I think it's becoz we shared almost the same name.. The pronounciation also almost da same..

Work like slave leh, tat day.. Morning 7.30am decorate dao bout 11pm. Den after that, need go practice singing with the choir team coz we're gonna perform in the afternoon. Tat performance ar...really sucks! I forgot most of the lyrics, can't even hear my own voice even that I'm using a mic! Haiz.., one word - terrible! Then after the performance ended dy, our teacher said it was good, touched the teachers wor..lol~ That's actually the worst I'd ever sang. I remembered after that, I emo le...coz overheard what they said that they don't wana sing anymore, don't wana go up stage, all those very heart-pounding, painful, hurtful-dissapointing de things.. Quite angry actually..zz

Never mind la.. Forget bout it la.. Then leh, the second day - which is Saturday, we had our choir BBQ gathering! I skipped my BB de annivarsary sketch practice coz no time..haha Dissapointed em.. -.- (SRY!)

The BBQ gathering, is really one of it's kind... Happy, Sad, ANgry, Bored, Emo~ All kinds of different atmostphere.. haiz.. They play dao fight..! Make me so angry dao need scold them.. I was shoutin like crazy. Lost my rationality.. haha.. =P

That's what a leader must do right, I'm a leader..be wise..step up..solve prob~
Feel's nice.. (happy I guess?) Enjoyed myself. Jia Ee, pulak again kena scolded by her sister..lolz
Wat kind of sister lai de..?! Haiz..sad =(

Throughout that night, they played too much! The food arr.. So much left! Hehe.. Someone brought me lambs.. So nice leh! So so so happy.. ^^
Really enjoyed the moments at the swimming pool, very nice actually, one dear dear cried ='(
Gave her comfort.. I guess that's all I could do at that moment.


Took some pictures.. Not that nice.. -.-



Here's the biG ol-swimming pool where we gonna play~ =D



Swim! =]



Haha.. They're playing something, i guess?



The cake! Baked N designed by Hazel's mom..




Fuiyoh~ Jia Ying N Roxy~~! Both sitting there dating.. -.-"
Aiyo~~!


I relli relli very very lazy to post blog le.. I kept thinking of updating it.. At the end, it was just still a thought.. No actions.. -.-

Right.., there's just so much nice, sweet things happened.. N bitter ones too.. ~_~
Well.. Let's see what I could re-call today.

Last week's Thursday, two days before Saturday (where my holidays begin), the day after a two week non-stop exam. A day where I should've been relax N joy.. Sleep at home till the wee hours.., but instead! I had to wake up at the same ol time and the same ol morning to school.. Why?! Actually I shouldn't and don't have to go to school. But no choice la.. Pn. Usha called me to help out to decorate the duno duno wat wat "Anugerah Cemerlang" board with Carson Tan (which I nominate her as my assistant). xD

Haha..! Why? Coz..erm.. 0,0" I think it's becoz we shared almost the same name.. The pronounciation also almost da same..

Work like slave leh, tat day.. Morning 7.30am decorate dao bout 11pm. Den after that, need go practice singing with the choir team coz we're gonna perform in the afternoon. Tat performance ar...really sucks! I forgot most of the lyrics, can't even hear my own voice even that I'm using a mic! Haiz.., one word - terrible! Then after the performance ended dy, our teacher said it was good, touched the teachers wor..lol~ That's actually the worst I'd ever sang. I remembered after that, I emo le...coz overheard what they said that they don't wana sing anymore, don't wana go up stage, all those very heart-pounding, painful, hurtful-dissapointing de things.. Quite angry actually..zz

Never mind la.. Forget bout it la.. Then leh, the second day - which is Saturday, we had our choir BBQ gathering! I skipped my BB de annivarsary sketch practice coz no time..haha Dissapointed em.. -.- (SRY!)

The BBQ gathering, is really one of it's kind... Happy, Sad, ANgry, Bored, Emo~ All kinds of different atmostphere.. haiz.. They play dao fight..! Make me so angry dao need scold them.. I was shoutin like crazy. Lost my rationality.. haha.. =P

That's what a leader must do right, I'm a leader..be wise..step up..solve prob~
Feel's nice.. (happy I guess?) Enjoyed myself. Jia Ee, pulak again kena scolded by her sister..lolz
Wat kind of sister lai de..?! Haiz..sad =(

Throughout that night, they played too much! The food arr.. So much left! Hehe.. Someone brought me lambs.. So nice leh! So so so happy.. ^^
Really enjoyed the moments at the swimming pool, very nice actually, one dear dear cried ='(
Gave her comfort.. I guess that's all I could do at that moment.


Took some pictures.. Not that nice.. -.-



Here's the biG ol-swimming pool where we gonna play~ =D



Swim! =]



Haha.. They're playing something, i guess?



The cake! Baked N designed by Hazel's mom..




Fuiyoh~ Jia Ying N Roxy~~! Both sitting there dating.. -.-"

Name: Jason Thow [JT ]
Age: 20 years old
Date of Birth: January 21st 1993
Horoscope Sign: Aquarius
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