I dono wat to post..
There's one prob, which I really don lik,,
why's there more ppl startin to pvt their blogs? What's the point of havin them anyway. craps, just show to few ppl. wat's the point, really.

N now's the holiday week. tomorrow I'm havin this squad3 & 6 camp. planed quite some stuff and hardworks done.
School frens? I start to get fed up, keepin things from me, unsincere, still dare say me. bullsh*t. Can't bliv my eyes. Get lost! I don think I would wana be that close vif em anymore as it's pointless. Maybe just as classmates, but will not get far. etc, hang out together.

Oh, now..bout her. I think that's why her mood was like damn bad tat few days. Hope she'll be fine. Anyway, I went sing K with Nic and Beverlyn (nic's sis) today at Jusco, Gbox. Saw my mum. *LyNN =)


A bit pressured lately, hope it'll go away. Thinkin bout school and study already killin me. Gorsh, can't I not study and just enherit 40Billion worth of money?

=.='
This tear..

My tears is not to show that I am weak.
But to release all the sadness and burden in me, stored in heart.
Every unhappy tears, fall out of eyes.

Signifies that the person has regreted.
... that the person has awaked.
... that the person has had enough.

Only a strong one will withstand these pain, but ain't it stupid?
Why don't let it all out at once?
A smart one will let it be, then back on track, towards a tougher road.
Where more pain and circumstances the person will have to face.
Where more decisions he has to make.

Everytime, when there's after a spill of tears.
I believe the person is now...
Stop thinking bout her now. Not gonna see her for quite sometime. Bye Elaine. =(



I've been strong. When I'm sad, in pain or not, I never exactly tell out. Now, I'm sick.
Stop thinking bout her now. Not gonna see her for quite sometime. Bye Elaine. =(
I've been strong all this while. When I'm sad, in pain or not, I'd never exactly tell it out to others. Now, I'm sick. Very pain headache and high fever. I feel very dizzy. Helpless. Pain is felt in me. Hard to take it!

Hope God can help me in this with me. It's torturing me. T__T
The Climb
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;


I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa



[I Like This Song ^^]
Yesterday night, something happened when my tuition class just end. I was shocked when I saw it but at the mean time, I was really happy and glad. Somehow, I felt a little bit of excitement in me which actually cheered me up after the mass dissapointment of my exam performance.

Received something from X. I thought of replying X and I almost did, but did not. When I was ready, finished writting and about to press the 'send' button, suddenly my heart and mind strucked me (trying to tell me something). I was stunned and went in deep thoughts for minutes.
Maybe I shouldn't send it to X (told myself). I don't want to lose a friend like X. What if X does not feel the same way about me? N maybe X sent it to me because X wanted to find out coz someone probably told her. What if I told X the truth and X actually doesn't feel the same way towards me? N if that happens, X will start avoiding me and we would never be good friends ever again as we were now. I've been thinking of telling X all about it, but I know I can't. Which has kept me to kept this in my heart all these days. I guess the ending point is near. Where all unknown will be reavealed and resolved. What should I do?? I can't do it. I'm afraid of loosing X. N I don't want so.
The 'hope' part of me is telling me that X will probably accept and give me a chance. But, it doesn't seems to be happening now.


It's a risk I'm afraid to take. I just don't want to lose X. =(


If you've watched Kyle XY, that's about the life, gift, friends, blessings and everything I wished to have. That is what I call, something you can't reach - a dream. N oh her too, Amanda (best).
She's like...woaahhhhh!@@

='(


Sometimes I just don't get it. Why do I get so emo, usually at night. Just can't shake that feeling off me. I felt that there's actually two person in me. Devil and Angel? -.-

Hmm...regarding my last post. I said I was a lonely freak, seems to had a lot of friends but actually I had nobody. I think it's because the 'weak' inside of me demands companionship. That's what I think it is la. Sometimes when I eat, I read, I watch tv, go online, lie on bed. Somehow, I felt lonely, felt alone. I tried to find someone, my school frens, my church's or my tuition friends. I chat with them, through SMS. Not even 3messages, I felt bored. Wanted to stop and wanted to be away from the person. Then... I felt lonely again, and I don't know why. I've checked the web, asked my friend, some small research when I was bored, got nothing else to do. N this is result I got.
I think the companionship I needed is not just a friend, not friendship - but love. A part of me seems like it wants me to have this special someone to be a part of my life. A person whom I like, I love. Someone who you will not get bored of easily, someone who you care so much and that she cares for you the same. Someone who shares with you the same interest, guiding each other in studies and go through life moments. I wished I could really have this special someone. Or will I even find it?

It's just crazy dream. And I dreamt about it. I was sad that it ended and that I had to leave and go back to reality. Many dreams, unachieved, unreachable.
Deep inside I know, it's like climbing up a tree, as high as you can with high hopes to touch the moon. Suddenly, you slipped and fell 5storeys' high off the tree and *poof*. It'll just be a dream, just an imagination. You woke up, rubbed your eyes, thinking back of what happened, you smiled, you laughed at yourself and said, 'I wished it was real'.

"I wished..."

It is once said, we wished because it gives us hope, we hope because it is our dream. We dream to achieve and realise it and it's dream which keeps us on-going and not to give up. What if it's just a tale? =(
There is so many things in this world, undiscovered - hidden.

Hmm... What will happen after I left? EEeee......


" I don't want to know ". -_-


Give Up Life.
U may think I have a lot of friends. I have nobody.
Even the closest doesn't seem so close. Fate ends here.
I am just a lonely freak.
Happy face from the outside, lonely soul in the inside.
Does it worth it? Does it? No more.
Today was the start of my exam week. Had BI, BIO & BM. I did not do well in my bio and bm. Bm, I forgot the way and my technique to write a good rumusan. While the Bio, I forgot some terms. Haiz... Tomorrow, it'll be Maths, AddMaths and Sejarah. I think I just wait failed la. I hate subjects that you actually need to calculate. Especially AddMaths, I think I'll fail again this time.

GOSH!! aRRghHH!

Anyway, today morning, I walk in to school as usual, afraid that I might be late, I increase my walking speed. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw Cikgu Halim. He said that I'll be singing later. I was like, what the?! I didin't prepare a thing! And the lyrics, I'm not even sure that I know all of it. Finding Pui San, I called someone of her class to call her. She was right at the back. I keep waiting, that friend called her to go infront, but she never seem to come. I kept waiting there. Waited till the state and school songs were sang. Really got my nerves. Not sure whether her ignorence was that she was talking too much, don't understand BM or maybe she's just dumb. DanG!! N I even went for a second round to call her before I go up on stage, and I saw her, sitting beside with all her friends, happily chatting. @#$%^&*. . . . .

Well, the school has 3mics' only, no choice la. Just dump her. I and the two malay guys can dy. The song that we were singing was the song we sang for the Daerah competition. It's called, Semarak Kedamaian.

Our school's mics', the only mics' were of the highest quality! So high quality that when I sing, suddenly got sound, suddenly no sound. -.- And I have to closen the mic to my mouth that it almost touch my lips so that it can receive my voice. LOL? The middle guy, his mic, pro then me. Suddenly sing a while no sound. Cannot receive at all, the audience laughed at him. Lame moment, I kept on singing then, trying my best to maintain a bit. Don wan buat malu. =x
I've decided during singing, that I'll donate a mic to the school. haiiizzzz....

Anyway, I received several comments from my friends after that. They said my voice was nice and that it's just the mic which S-Xs =.=
When I hear their comments, really make me paiseh. But thank you la guys. ^_^ To be frank, I think it's not nice la, very worse infact. But never mind la.
I liked singing since I was a kid. I wished I could go out for competitions or performances. It's not that I don't want, it's just that I couldn't find any! ArRRgHh!
I spend my time and effort on reseaching the tones and vocals of singing when I was at the age of below 10. I can't read chinese, this make things more challenging for me. Yet, I never give up but mastered to read pinyin faster then those we can read chinese. But of coz, I understand what it's written la. Not bla-bla-bla and dono a thing -.-

I believe singing is a talent which is gifted. I hope I can acheive the most of the notes of the soprano scale.
Wished someday, my love and talent in singing will be appreciated. And that I will make my way to fame in this industry.

Dreams. .


It's A CLimb!!



It's 2.30am and I can't hold myself from being emo. Hearing sad songs, thinking love stories, imagining things. I just can't hold it together. I'm shattered.
Love, Friendship, Family. Things that never was.

Still don't want to go bed yet. Don't know why. Things that resolve around me, comes back. Should I just go and sleep?
I've finished watching Hannah Montanna about an hour ago. Next I'll be watchin 12Rounds. Listening to sad songs still.

Argh! I feel...emo. The mixed feelings in me.

I feel...alone.
Today, after school. Walked out of school along side the path way with my dearest classmates. Chat and discussed bout transportation for tomorrow. After they've left, I went back to school since I'd nothing much to do outside but being a dumb guy standing at the roadside as a post. I went back through the path way again, saw Janice and his friend. Said HI to her, then she went away. Chatted with his friend, an ex-BB member from 3rd Kajang. He said that Kajang's BB is on Saturday, clashes his time, so he had to quit. He also said that the standard there is much lower compared to 1st KJ, coz they obtain badges 5x faster and easier than us. I asked him to join us, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. Will he be really joining? Maybe...maybe not.

Left and continue my walk through the path, walk up the stairs, again and again and again till I reached the 3rd floor. Head to the PSS room. Saw Son Yeing and some Form2s' and 1s' playing chess. Nub dao.. =x
Saw HJ at the counter doing work, bout AddMaths, i think. N KhaiYoong too. Anita, Darren, Daniel were around. I got nothing to do, just bumping, walking around. Then I noticed, she wasn't there. Was wondering, then from far, I saw LeeHow(BB member also). Headed towards him, peep what's going on and who's inside. Saw her! She saw me! I pulled back my head, turn around. Pretend as if it's nothing. LeeHow and his friend came out, saw me. Said she's calling me. I ignored, did not went in. She came out. We talked, she took out the pacifier I gave her during reccess, asked me if I'd washed it. I did not, still contains her DNA..(the saliva) xD
She "EEeeewweD"..N we continue talking then.
He saw, he was upset, heart pounding. I felt by his little movements, his little reactions. I knew, but I could do nothing bout it. Just friends. I did not go far as I'm not sure what to do.
Moments later, he took his stuffs. Went to the room, quiet and has no one inside, followed by his friend. They were talking, I saw, bout what? Don't have to know, just guess. Maybe he still dislikes me now. But I could nothing bout it coz we're just friends. I know, she knows. Hope he'll see things broader, and that he will not mind bout it and take it as it just is, normal. I'll try making up things. Try. Maybe.



I just watched 17Again this afternoon. Downloaded from www.TOM365.com. I also downloaded Hannah Montana The Movie and 12Rounds for next round, later maybe. Now, I'm watching Click. This 17Again movie is really, really damn, damn nice. Love it sooo much! I wished I somehow could have a life like he has. Even half of what he has, I already damn satisfied. Well, who wouldn't?

To tell the truth, I dislike being an Asian. Nonono, is living in Asia la. I like life of how foreign is. Like Americans, Australians? Basically, what I mean is life like what you see in 17Again.
Teens living in that kind of high school environment truely roxx.. ^^ Partaaay with friends, socially open-minded, not like what's around me now la. Not that open, life's not that amazing for high school. Really wished to be in that sort of movie-like world. But I know, it's just so impossible, except that it happens in my dreams, once? =)

Wearing school uniforms, can't keep my hairs long, all must black hair(not coloured), assembly need hear @#$%^&*...(muslim prayers) and many more related is which I dislike. Oh ya, bout our foods, what we mainly eat is rice, noodles, beehoon, rice, curry, beehoon and rice and it goes on and on. I think we(asians), eats rice at least once a day. Oh gosh! No wonder we're so short of height!! Hmm..no wonder I'm short. -.- coz we don't have enough minerals and nutrients required for that sort of growth. Americans especially, were damn tall coz they had milk products at least twice a day, they had pancakes, beacons, steaks, fries, turkies, mutton..foods that contain very high in certain vitamins, less carbohydrate compared to what we eat though.

Well, I like that 17Again coz I'm touched by the love-love+fantasy part. K la. End crap. I wana continue watchin my Click movie. Touched me also. I think it's because, it's all related bout life. Amazing things that will never ever ever happen. Not to me. ='(



I'm back! My computer is finally fixed. Next week is exam. It seems like it doesn't even exist. I'm so lazy nowadays. I need to change. There's this one person, she says I can't control my temper. I guess she's right. I will work more at that perspect. I see my seniors, my juniors, they we're studying like cows chewing grass (coz they chew twice and keeps on chewing) , I felt humble, useless. As it's because I were doing nothing, just go for tuition and that's my study for the day after school. My results were dropping, my add maths keep failing. When will I be able to wake up?


Latest Developments ;

I falled in love with someone who already turns me down though I never tell her yet, because
that I'm a human, I can feel that she's sending me a message stating that I don't fit.

I can't concentrate especially in studies, my mind's flying around. I wonder when it will come back to it's head. It misses it. =(

I am the chairman for the BB's squad combination camp. Had so many things to plan, actually, when I see it broader, it's nothing really. Just a few problems, but just can't find the solution, which requires time, time which causes me all this time, headaches and building castles in the air. Will the castle be shaped?

I've establised a Band Club Society in SMK Perimbun the week when I shifted back. Approved by the head of co-curriculum teacher. So I'll have no worries of not having a president position for Form5. My club's teacher advisor had helped me to apply for few instruments. Now still waiting for it. I wonder when.

Church's 40th Annivarsary Dinner is coming. I got involved in 3 out of 4 performances. Which is Band Performance, Singing Worship Songs and Sketch. Gosh, I'm thankful that I was blessed by God for my inner strength which allows me to go on with the spirit in me. I sold 6tickets, I asked more than 100ppl. Yet the result was dissapointing. So many "I'll see first" people. Zzz!

Throughout this year, I'd seen a lot of things, experienced many things. I'm wishing to improve myself. Whether it's the leadership part or social part. Aspects like this, can't be seen from the outside but to understand. So for those crappers, do not underestimate anyone from his/her appearance, he may be 10times better and more successful than you. I will never give up my dreams. I know, I will someday, realised it.

Manage my IQ-EQ-SQ. Usually people who has high IQ has lower EQ and SQ. High IQ people are the least amount compared to lower IQ ones. Lower IQ usually has higher SQ but lower EQ due to lower IQ. And for those who has higher SQ, he/she probably will have a normal rate of IQ and slightly higher EQ. I will try my best to improve my IQ and maintain my SQ. My EQ is the problem for now. As I am easily angered and easily sad and sometimes emo. Not stable. =(


PS; Now's 12.40midnight. Have to off. no time. SleeP! =]

Name: Jason Thow [JT ]
Age: 20 years old
Date of Birth: January 21st 1993
Horoscope Sign: Aquarius
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