Just finished watching Paranormal Activity, downloaded from internet. Kind of nice and a little spooky. Good way of directing, the same filming concept as Cloverfield. Damn..freaking me @@
Recently these few days, I'm not feeling that well. I felt as if I was always tired and yawning and weak. I felt like I was surrounded by clouds of negative energies. Maybe most people doesn't believe in it. But seriously, I do. These few days in school, I cannot focus besides feeling helpless and seriously being in a weak body state. I felt as if I had a lot of burden and pressure over me but in reality I don't. The tiredness also brought me to sleepiness. I can't really focus and concentrate well during the whole school sessions. At first, I thought it was because I had not enough sleep. So everyday after school, I went back, shower and had a nap for like 3hours minimum. Then at night, I sleep again till the next morning for like 5hours minimum. So 3+5=8hours. It should've been more than enough. But I guess things doesn't seem to turn out that way, instead, I was in the same condition as the day before. It really tortures me, emotionally and physically. I tried again the day after and after and slept longer hours. But it doesn't seem to help much either. What I think that this is kind of a paranormal thing. It lead me then to ideas of curses, spells and charms or probably dark magics.
There's a way of tradition to get rid of negative energies that is by putting a bowl of water with added seasalts and placed under my bed. Can place for days or weeks. Probably I'll try it today later. But where do I suppose to find a bowl which I don't use o? Dang!

Anyway, also maybe it's that I think too much. Well, that's what she said I am. Maybe =x
Today I went out with my 2cousins and a good friend Kwong Tim to watch a movie. Damn it, actually I had a free movie ticket voucher from GSC valid for the whole month! Was planning to use it today but I forgot to take it out of my bag and left it in my cousin's house. Shyt~! Wasted RM10 for the Jacky Chan's movie, 'Spy Next Door'..zz
Haiz..this Sunday is the singing competition dy! 3days ago I received a call from the music studio. A guy called and said my composed song passed dy! And is now in the TOP5 run~ So on Feb7, I'll have to present my song on stage. I need to remake my music accompaniments to a more beautiful and professional one, which means again need help from the studio. Haiz..pay another RM50! I really hope I can win la. And my singing competition is now in Semi-Final, 30strong. Will select half of us to the finals..I hope dear judges could see my talents ba. There'll be 3judges, all 3 of them are real producers and composers from Warner Music! Probably got chance get offer to join in the industry de leh~haiz
Godbless~I hope I can make it, any one of it. Especially the song compose coz I really gave a lot of efforts and invested quite an amount of money. x'(

K la..gotta chiaoz dy~



Sudden Emotional Torment;

I had to put down the past behind me and move on forward with determination and courage.
Let the mistakes, bitterness and immaturity of pasts reminds me.
Let it be a lesson of life and in the future.
Let it be so painful that you sweared you will struck them back when you return.
Let it be what pushes you forward.
Remember the year 2009 and the affliates.
Life lasts only a lifetime. No matter how many years it will be then.
Nothing would ever change what had been done.
I will make them remember how I remembered it well.





Woaa~~! Today's 21st January!! My birthday x)
This year de birthday quite sad...but only in school~ Why? Haiz...don't want tell la.
Think = angry *RoaR!!*
Surprisingly before this, I thought my this year's birthday would be my saddest or loneliest birthday of all years ever. Was assuming that no one remembers, and probably not many people would really care though. This is my first year and is the end streak of my 5straight years of not celebrating my birthday with parties and guests, and only with family. I wanted to organise a party at my house but my parents don't allow cuz just newly moved to a new house and there's unfinished renovation parts. Damn sad lol! Then they said maybe will open house on February, maybe can celebrate my birthday along. Turns out, it was post-phoned! Dang~~! Very sad...heartache *sob TT

Well, my social life this year isn't that blossom compared to the past years. I felt like I had no chemistry match with most of them. Most friends who's close to me were BB members and church members. Feels much better being with them, probably we're all christians which means like one big family. Some isn't christians but because we're all in BB, we learned and shared, improving ourselves and go through ups and downs, and all these is what makes us one mind, the understanding of one and another. That is how we were close and strong chemistry built among. Anyway, I still felt that this year's birthday was a gloomy one.

For my 17th birthday wish, I only had one. That is...leave this ridiculous highschool and go to straight to university, to foreign country if possible. xD
And Dang~what happened in school today really made me unhappy. I tried not to recall but I can't help it. Really a mood spoiler~ I didin't knew that the donkey of the DONKEY among them is him. Such a betrayal, pathetic friend. I will not forgive him, never ever. But for now, I still need to pretend as if I don't mind and live on. Would still need his help for like homeworks, projects and stuffs till SPM ends. And after that, I would step him down if I had the chance. This has been affecting me since last year and trying to be patient everyday. You will pay for what you did in the future. hmmph~ =='

Forget that donkey - anyway, I'm glad that there's quite a number of friends who wished for my birthday. Besides text messages, MSN chats, Friendster and Facebook comments, there's even phone calls~
ThANks alL =)
Sincerely thanks to all who sincerely wished me. Tyty!
There's 67names~ xD


Below is the namelist; ps-wanted to do this to remind me of my birthday this year =p

-Lois Goh
-Richard Low
-Nicholas Low
-Joyce Ooi
-Edward Coolidge
-Xiao Lye
-Yin Yee
-Florence Tan
-Li Hsin Tze
-Kwong Tim
-Han Jon
-Darren Goh
-Yee Lynn
-Zu Han
-Venee
-Panda Jie
-Chong Hau Seng
-Lian Ze Kai
-Quenie Ching
-Edward Chan
-BiBii Jie
-Beatrice
-Saiful Zaini
-Carmen Ee
-Alice Liew
-Sook Yan
-Michael Thow
-Chong Chi
-Grace Chen
-Ka Wei
-Brenda Chee
-Yee Kaye
-Chen Fong
-Walter
-Wilson Lim
-Joey Choy
-Wong Jun Xian
-Jing Man
-William Khor
-Jeva Ganachandran
-Thaventira
-Chui Peng
-Jia Ee
-Han Xing
-Boon Joon
-Chloe Sin Yin
-Tan Hui Mi
-Lim Bi Ying
-Mohainy
-Nathan
-Azreen
-Tang Jia Lu
-Ban Kok
-Yuki Se Qi
-Han Chi
-Zi Wei Choo
-Wan Pei San
-Crystal Chen
-Weng Yow
-Cheng Hong
-Wei Lek
-Amalinna
-Daniel Boey
-Angeline Chew
-Chee Lee
-Kok Hing
-Ken Ren



---> My Birthday Cake! Marble ChEESe~~!! ^^
I just watched this movie yesterday after I got back from school. I do not own an Astro TV channels like most peoples do but what my parents signed for was a Digital Satellite Receiver TV instead. It's satellite's dish is 3times the size of a normal Astro's dish. So..the connection is definitely, much clearer..5times maybe, even during rain! It connects directly to the FTA satelite in space and there's various channels like Astro has but different, of course. If you notice, most gameshows or drama series aired on Astro channels are a period late. Whereas for the DSR, it gives the best and the latest ones. So before you watched it on Astro, I might as well have watched it a week or two ago =p

Oh bout that.., as I reached home, I went placed my bags and stuffs. Computer's on by my brother, checked some application on facebook for a while coz I decided to stop playing and getting obesessed. Was planning to watch some gameshows or drama series till suddenly I pass through the Macau channel and saw this movie which just started airing. It was one of my favourite movies! Was so happy that I get to watch it again. So I just sat there, on the sofa...without going anywhere..for two and a half hours~ x)
It's not only interesting and touching but it also tells about how life is a wonder. It was directed in 1994, for those who never watched it before. I suggest you to watch this! Seriously..5STARS!



Synopsis for Forest Gump~ D:

The film begins with a feather falling to the feet of Forrest Gump who is sitting at a bus stop in Savannah, Georgia. Forrest picks up the feather and puts it in the book Curious George, then tells the story of his life to a woman seated next to him. The listeners at the bus stop change regularly throughout his narration, each showing a different attitude ranging from disbelief and indifference to rapt veneration.

On his first day of school, he meets a girl named Jenny, whose life is followed in parallel to Forrest's at times. Having discarded his leg braces, his ability to run at lightning speed gets him into college on a football scholarship. After his college graduation, he enlists in the army and is sent to Vietnam, where he makes fast friends with a black man named Bubba, who convinces Forrest to go into the shrimping business with him when the war is over. Later while on patrol, Forrest's platoon is attacked. Though Forrest rescues many of the men, Bubba is killed in action. Forrest is awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his heroism.

While Forrest is in recovery for a bullet shot to his "butt-tox", he discovers his uncanny ability for ping-pong, eventually gaining popularity and rising to celebrity status, later playing ping-pong competitively against Chinese teams. At an anti-war rally in Washington, D.C. Forrest reunites with Jenny, who has been living a hippie counterculture lifestyle.

Returning home, Forrest endorses a company that makes ping-pong paddles, earning himself $25,000, which he uses to buy a shrimping boat, fulfilling his promise to Bubba. His commanding officer from Vietnam, Lieutenant Dan, joins him. Though initially Forrest has little success, after finding his boat the only surviving boat in the area after Hurricane Carmen, he begins to pull in huge amounts of shrimp and uses it to buy an entire fleet of shrimp boats. Lt. Dan invests the money in Apple Computer and Forrest is financially secure for the rest of his life. He returns home to see his mother's last days.

One day, Jenny returns to visit Forrest and he proposes marriage to her. She declines, though feels obliged to prove her love to him by sleeping with him. She leaves early the next morning. On a whim, Forrest elects to go for a run. Seemingly capriciously, he decides to keep running across the country several times, over some three and a half years, becoming famous.

In present-day, Forrest reveals that he is waiting at the bus stop because he received a letter from Jenny who, having seen him run on television, asks him to visit her. Once he is reunited with Jenny, Forrest discovers she has a young son, of whom Forrest is the father. Jenny tells Forrest she is suffering from a virus (probably HIV, though this is never definitively stated). Together the three move back to Greenbow, Alabama. Jenny and Forrest finally marry. Jenny dies soon afterward.

The film ends with father and son waiting for the school bus on little Forrest's first day of school. Opening the book his son is taking to school, the white feather from the beginning of the movie is seen to fall from within the pages. As the bus pulls away, the white feather is caught on a breeze and drifts skyward.
Don't know what to type for now. Feel all so tired and down and things seems slow and time seems fast. Been spending a few hours sitting in front of the computer. And I hate it. It keeps distract me. I want it to be away, but my mind was set on it. Oh well, I'm addicted I guess. Foolish me. Singing each time I reached home. Kept on practicing and adjusting for the finest tones. Could sing higher keys now, but somehow could feel a little sorethroat. Too much practice I guess.

Blogs, is a very good creation. Benefits a lot to many people, and many liked it. I've been viewing plenty of blogs just now. There's this button on top of the blog which allows you to click 'next blog'. It's been quite some time since I last visit random blogs around the world and thought it might be interesting, and it still is. Different people, different genres and different stories were posted each blogs I bumped to. From fashion, entertainments, families, love, books and kids to idols and which includes places from China, Hong Kong, Europe, Africa, Singapore to the many places of USA. I see different opinion, different tastes of colour and their anxiety towards different things makes me feel as if the world is beautiful and a little touching. All the nice pictures posted really entertained me and some, loving too. I see how they overcome their daily routines, how they get on life. Some mentioned about their thoughts of life, some about religion, some marriage and family while some were stories of their long amazing vacations ^^
Geez...I love it x)

By the way, I've been thinking bout this matter for quite some time and I think it's time to let go now and quit and move on forward. It's about BB a.k.a. Boys Bridgade. I've thought of this planning of leaving decision since last year as because I'm form5 now, should focus more on my studies and not get too much distraction. I wished I was supernatural, so I could do 3things or perhaps 10things at once. But I know I can't and I don't want to even that I could. What for getting myself so stress and tired of? Doesn't worth it. Just wana get as much scholarships as possible and go to a good university to further my studies and maybe someday become a rich man.. x)

Right, I'm leaving BB due to several reasons.
1. My passion towards BB has faded.
2. I want to be free on Saturdays as I have piano and guitar classes on.
3. I need some time out since I'm studying 5days/week, which means I want my weekends free!
4. Don't want to involve too much and get distracted.
5. Dislike drill.
6. Dislike outdoor activites especially if I'm doing it every week.
7. Did not promote to L/Cpl.
8. Want some private time alone with family.
9. Know what I really wanted and this marks the 1st change.
10. Parents agree and supported.

Tomorrow is my last day going to BB and Sundays will be my last day for band practice. Maybe I won't be going to band practice. I mean just maybe coz going out with family. And really dislike the practice timing.
"jor dang sai!" =x
They haven't know about it yet as I didin't tell anyone about it. I knew there is no one I could really trust besides myself. This isn't a drastic decision and I need not a discussion because this is about me and not some other. Advises I will listen but it will not change the result.
Anyway, the hard part isn't saying goodbye but facing them when they knew you were about about to leave. Afraid some might have negative thoughts and opinions or telling me not to leave.
This is what annoys me most. I'll feel better if they care less and don't really put the pressure on it. I'm form5 and I'm 17. I get to decide.

There's a male teacher, he is quite old now.
I remember how he mentioned that, "life is an evolution".
I agreed and I think this is another small wave of it.

Yawn~feeling tired. Having tuition later, and I haven't bath yet -.-
Maybe I should go now as fast as possible before the computer suck me back.
Then, get a short nap and hoop back to studies..bB



Haven't been blogging for quite some time.

This is my new skin. I changed it because I felt that I really love the state of being emo, fantasy and where all dreams scattered. I like the song that is played in my blog. It's called 'falling', everytime I listen, I felt peaced and my muscles relaxed. The feeling of wanting to be in deep sleep and to never wake up. I really hate the reality. Why has all things existed in the first place? I like what you see in the beautiful drama stories. I wished all those were true, or at least some part of it. I wished everyone's life could be dotted down, in a book of life or a very modern encyclopedia storage. So that all the other people could know about the person, the great things, the beautiful moments and sights, the journey of life and how great the person's life has been throughout. I feel helpless knowing everyone will die someday. The time they spent on earth, all that they've learnt. The love and friendships, the fame and wealth, the family, successes and hardworks will in end come to nothing. Men came from dirt, and they will go back to dirt when they die. Life is as if a thin glass, a grispy air. Living like a fragile glass. Hard to understand, hard to explain. But we had just live it, as if it's normal because everyone else does the same. Had they forgotten of their existance and the reason beneath of all? I have seen too much, heard too much. So much pain and sadness happening everywhere in the world we're living. People dies, sacrafices, poverties and abandons. I feel so sad, so symphaty. Sad for them, sad for myself. The endless sorrow grips in pain every second that has gone by. I felt like I wanted to cry but I can't as if I had no tears to flow. The sorrow in every bit of my heart struck me at once. Why had I exist? Why has all..

Is there a heaven above, is there a hell below? Why are we even created in the first place. The world seems as though it is so huge yet so small in the universe. A never ending trail and a never ending answer..
This song I placed on my blog, I felt certain that whatever this was, was a gift to the world meant to fill all that heard it with a flood of emotion. It then struck me that not everyone could appreciate this miracle. The sound increased my sorrow for those who could not hear it. The sadness within.

sigh* ..what am I saying? I don't understand every bit of myself anymore. I felt I had lost the need to live. Lost the road of what I wanted to pursue which in end comes to no end. Breathless, and i'm drowning. Drowning by the anxiety to know the truth of life, the truth of everything that ever existed. Maybe, maybe I'm just confused for a moment. Maybe it's been days. Maybe it has been since the first time I started to sought this world when I was at the age of an early 13. Some said it was foolish to think of these. But I'll say it's more foolish to not think and wonder for living so long.

Maybe I'm just exhausted for a moment.
Maybe..
Maybe what my friends' life prediction was right.
I am not the real self infront of them, and I knew.
Where have I been?

Maybe....it was just a long dream.


Emotions are naught to be tormented, for they can kill a person in more ways than one.
-David Garrison-

Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
-Christian Morgenstern-

True and False are attributes of speech, not of things. And where speech is not, there is neither Truth nor Falsehood.
-Thoms Hobbes-
['Leviathan', 1651]

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
-Burton Hills-

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
-Hermann Hesse-
['Demian', 1919]

An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject and who manages to avoid them.
-William Heisenberg -

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
-Addison-

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
-Allan K. Chalmers-

Never tell truth to people who are not worthy of it.
-Mark Twain-

If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
-Tom J. Connelly-

Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others.
-Tom J. Connelly-

He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes. But he who never asks a question remains a fool forever.
-Tom J. Connelly-

Oh My GaawwD~! Finally all my hardworks has paid off. I've always believe in myself, my gifted talents in music creativity, music composition, singing and song writting. I've been working so hard in composing a nice song. I'd even used up my school study sessions. Which means, I never pay any attention in class besides getting my whole brain filled with musical notes and melodies. I remember my first ever written song, it's called "I'm so Lonely". I was inspired while playing free-style with my brother's guitar. It was my first song, not really that nice or you could say probably not that interesting, after I've hear it again for some time.

When you had the song in your mind, the first thing I do was to get my phone! You wouldn't want your melody you just got inspired to be forgotten just like that, right?! So basically I'll 'hum' the melody to the phone. It was only the chorus, so then of course - we had to get more inspired and feel deeper to find it's intro and verses' rythms. Lastly, decide whether or not you want the bridge part and plan on how should the whole song flow. Then only I started writing out the lyrics. For me, lyrics are the worst part. Actually, I'm not that good as a lyricist. For that 1st English song I've wrote. The lyrics were sayy...craP? x_x
And oh..every song has to has it's theme. Well, you can't have a song with first part of lyrics bout love den the second half bout family right?? Sometimes, a song is just like a movie. You have to set it's plot and set the whole story (song) of how that it's to be like or what it is about. Every steps matters. And I definitely remember the first song I've ever written by myself, I posted in on youtube then. If you see the video before, it's me playing a guitar singing. I recorded it using my phone! lols~~ I just checked it, there's about 182views. Anyway, I wasn't that mature that time.
So, just forget bout it~ xD

Alright, let's talk bout the latest song I've wrote lately. Seriously, I think it was my best among all the previous ones. I've written 4songs previously and this is the 5th. This song is what I call a good song, good lyrics, good melodies and difinitely a qualified standard to be recorded an EP. xD

PS; I worked too hard and gave too much efforts. So maybe I will be too proud of myself..Haha!

If you are me and that you do the same working for something so hard with determination, the willing to sacrafice and taking risks, you'll probably be the same as well. No joke =x
Right - Back to main topic, if you read my previous posts, there's one bout a singing competition. It's audition is this coming Sunday. It's just the singing audition. There's another category which is the song composing competition.
In end, both seems equally attractive to me. So, I joined both then =p
The song that I was gonna sing has changed, I'll be singing 寂寞, 好了. Cuz I just found out that other songs were difficult to master and I wasn't good enough for it. Thus, I chose the easiest one among the others. So there's this another song composing competition which I decided to team up with Xiao Mei to work a nicer song out for the competition. Kind of regret that I've made that decision. Probably I was afraid that I couldn't handle the competition alone that time. Or probably I needed her just for the lyrics cos I'm not good in chinese, I may spoil the whole song -.- I also remember myself showing Xiao Mei the 4th composed song named "Ai Ni". It was quite nice a song but I could feel that the song wasn't of standard. I remember of asking my brother's opinion and keep making changes and minor ones and also especially the lyrics. We wasted plenty of time trying to fix up the lyrics which was XiaoMei's job, not that well either. And caused some troubles as well. Dang~ #$%^&@#~!

I knew the song couldn't be used for the competition, I knew I wouldn't win with it and that it's not really that special. Xiao Mei doesn't help me much at all. Really feel stressed and feverish. It was quite a controversional situation, my feelings were all mixed up and a little panicked. I was in a moment of deciding whether or not to drop the song and think of a new song. I had very less time, the competition is in less than a week!

Thanks for God's blessings. On 5th Jan, Tuesday and second day of school. I got a sudden flood of inspiration which started from a few beats of drum (in my mind of course). Then I added in more colours and it became a beautiful melody. I wasted no time and took out my book which is specially for musics and started writing the lyrics down. I took me the whole day in school get it perfect. And another half school sessions the next day. I tried using guitar to make it's accompaniments but I can't as this is really a standard song and not like ABC. Therefore, i've decided to invest on getting a song arranger to do it for me. I'm doing this not entirely because of the competition, I even almost forgotten bout it. I'm doing this because I know it is the right song. I was so sure that I didin't need anyone's comments or suggestions. I know what I want and how I want it to be. I started surfing the web then after I came back to school. Time passes quickly, sigh*
Finally, found 2studios which provides the best, all that I needed. So I contacted both. One via sms and another through email. Fortunately, the one I sent via email replied me within 1hour and we discussed it then through phone 2hours later. Then only I know -.- His studio is at Penang!! WtH~? But of course la, I so smart and the presence now is a modern world. There's lot of ways we could get things done. I recorded my just vocals singing the song then another 1, I 'hum' out the melody flow. I converted the video file to mp3 file and wanted to send to him. But none could, youtube-fb-rapidshare, all can't! Even later then he when he added my MSN, I tried send to him...the speed of receiving the file was like....zz

So we skipped one day then. The next day, which is...today or yesterday?! Coz I late write blog, now the time is 3.35am. Just know that it was 3-4hours ago. We know it can't be done online coz my internet speed is frickin slow. So we had to use the final resolution which is by using the phone. I'll be singing the song via the phone, it will be plucked connected to the recording systems and then they will have it recorded. See?? I'm in Cheras and he's in Penang and things could still be done. Nothing is impossible. An hour or more later, everything was done. The accompaniments, the chords of the whole songs matched with the lyrics was all done and ready to send to me. Finally of course, let's not forget the bill -.- How much? Don't wan let u noe ~ TT


The results is great, awesome! Btw, the song's name is 你说 by 佳诚 (me lol) ^^
I hereby thanks to you Sam Wee for making it more beautiful than ever.
He also said that my song was good and has potential~! =P
Chiaoz~ 3.41am!
Date : Jan o3, Sunday, year 2010.

Name: Jason Thow [JT ]
Age: 20 years old
Date of Birth: January 21st 1993
Horoscope Sign: Aquarius
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