A Thousand Miles

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Lately.." @ 10:09 PM

Haven't been blogging for quite some time.

This is my new skin. I changed it because I felt that I really love the state of being emo, fantasy and where all dreams scattered. I like the song that is played in my blog. It's called 'falling', everytime I listen, I felt peaced and my muscles relaxed. The feeling of wanting to be in deep sleep and to never wake up. I really hate the reality. Why has all things existed in the first place? I like what you see in the beautiful drama stories. I wished all those were true, or at least some part of it. I wished everyone's life could be dotted down, in a book of life or a very modern encyclopedia storage. So that all the other people could know about the person, the great things, the beautiful moments and sights, the journey of life and how great the person's life has been throughout. I feel helpless knowing everyone will die someday. The time they spent on earth, all that they've learnt. The love and friendships, the fame and wealth, the family, successes and hardworks will in end come to nothing. Men came from dirt, and they will go back to dirt when they die. Life is as if a thin glass, a grispy air. Living like a fragile glass. Hard to understand, hard to explain. But we had just live it, as if it's normal because everyone else does the same. Had they forgotten of their existance and the reason beneath of all? I have seen too much, heard too much. So much pain and sadness happening everywhere in the world we're living. People dies, sacrafices, poverties and abandons. I feel so sad, so symphaty. Sad for them, sad for myself. The endless sorrow grips in pain every second that has gone by. I felt like I wanted to cry but I can't as if I had no tears to flow. The sorrow in every bit of my heart struck me at once. Why had I exist? Why has all..

Is there a heaven above, is there a hell below? Why are we even created in the first place. The world seems as though it is so huge yet so small in the universe. A never ending trail and a never ending answer..
This song I placed on my blog, I felt certain that whatever this was, was a gift to the world meant to fill all that heard it with a flood of emotion. It then struck me that not everyone could appreciate this miracle. The sound increased my sorrow for those who could not hear it. The sadness within.

sigh* ..what am I saying? I don't understand every bit of myself anymore. I felt I had lost the need to live. Lost the road of what I wanted to pursue which in end comes to no end. Breathless, and i'm drowning. Drowning by the anxiety to know the truth of life, the truth of everything that ever existed. Maybe, maybe I'm just confused for a moment. Maybe it's been days. Maybe it has been since the first time I started to sought this world when I was at the age of an early 13. Some said it was foolish to think of these. But I'll say it's more foolish to not think and wonder for living so long.

Maybe I'm just exhausted for a moment.
Maybe..
Maybe what my friends' life prediction was right.
I am not the real self infront of them, and I knew.
Where have I been?

Maybe....it was just a long dream.