A Thousand Miles

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"A Bad Dream" @ 1:33 AM

As time goes by, I began staring at the girl. She was my so called "good friend". Although we know each other only the start of the year. I stared at her once a while; on her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. -that we're just friends, and nothing more.

A coincidence, a fortune or a luck draws; while looking around, a sudden glimpse from my eyes meets as she checked on her phone. 'Husband', a contact name was written there, mind told me, 'It is okay and you should've known that'. Pretend unnoticed, and kept in my inner-conflicts, placing my usual self on stage. Truth tells; I wanted to ask her, I wanted her to know, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

On this special day, 15th, we went for a lunch and a LA movie, she walked up to me, right at my side and close in distance, without any hesitance. As we smiled and laughed along the walkway unfazed by the flow of time. That moment; I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I like her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Many days since then, many times seemed; I was covetous, jealous -as I saw my closest friend hanging near her. Even that I know I was being foolish, convinced myself that nothing could've happen between, but the latter declines. My sight blinded as enviness deepens, my heart, a wild turbulent formed. My facial expression, depressed and sometimes cold, bearing inside a pain held in my chest.

Maybe all was just a bad dream, maybe it was only me. She didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. A day passed, then a week, then a month, I pretend to be just friend, as she wanted. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Maybe, maybe we weren't meant to be.

21st now, I told myself, I will stay on by her side, we may not be; but as hope still I see. I will wait till the time where all dreams lives.
I will not emo again,

-JasonT