Even now, it kept me wondering. Where had that spirit went? Weakness in me I know all so well, taking any more extra time to make change is too late - just let it go naturally. Confidence, seeking of what's gone by yesterday, pathetic. That year, I made it. It was perfect, I prayed so hard during the trip there to receive the judgement everyone's been waiting for months. To my surprised, everything was worth it. That tough period, that strong believe. That moment, it feels as though all that's withheld within me was let off. It was refreshing, tears of joy did not flow at my cheeks, probably because I believed it was something deserving. Where there were no false hope of pure luck, flukes whatsoever. Dissenting views from some who thought that it was just some small fry, made my heart ache a little. Thinking of the days back then which I worked so hard for that led me to what I deserved. Those who got it just because of luck, I felt a light sense of unfair treatment I do not deserve. However, there sure was nothing I should complain about as I'd made it full - perfect. The rest would be if I'd awarded national award, which is straightly speaking, long odds.

Spilling straight thoughts and sudden thoughts of imaginations does make me feel better, it feels as though I had been living in the moment. As words written down, every single one, makes history - trace. Now then, should get ready for bed, don't wanna oversleep and miss class. There's challenge everyday, not so big deal but I guess its a matter of personal principle - if not I don't think I'd care. Last thoughts, I will strive and perform, do well and then go to her. Just not now. GN#